Can't quite seem to stop thinking about firsts and lasts right now.
Had a little mini-meltdown at the end of watching Californication. How silly.
My first ultrasound will be not for a baby, but for a boob. This makes me sad.
I can't stop wondering, is this the last time I will do this before I know that I have cancer?
The last time I will eat an ice cream cone?
The last time I will wear this t-shirt?
See David Duchovny's face?
Make Love?
Make a salad?
Eat dinner at home?
Go to Target
do laundry
Is it?
Is this the first of many scary times? The end of being naive enough not to worry?
I know this is unhelpful, but I can't stop myself.
I keep touching, holding, probing my breast. I can't find the lump anymore. Do I not want to, or is not there? Is this the last blog I will write before I know, one way or another?
And, perhaps worst of all, once I know-- will I believe?
David Duchovny and I-- we both want to believe.
I was thinking about you today and tripped effortlessly into the raw humor of your blog. I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. I have been there, had my boobs squished. Sucks. You’re going to be okay. You will see David’s sex addicted face again and again. Have no fear beautiful girl. You are stronger than you know.
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