Secret Garden

When I was a little girl, I loved this book. Mostly for the title, the cover illustration, and the idea. I was a dreamer, and in my world a secret garden was just about the best thing possible. Flowers, fairies, secrets, magic.

I think one of the things that draws me to Vermont, to the forest and the mountains, is the promise of this secret garden that still blooms in my heart. A place where I can dream, where I can read, where I can whisper. Where I can grow and nurture and soothe and day dream and waste time and hide.

And over the past couple of months, I've started on that dream. I've planted and sung and danced and sighed at the stars. I've chased firefly's. I've watered and coached and pleaded and relaxed.

I've struggled. This space isn't my own. How I ache for a space of my own.

But oh, how it has bloomed.
It may be borrowed, but it's beautiful.

A garden. A secret. A jungle. A cacophony. A promise. A wish.


It's not secret, but it is finally real.

The first day of the rest of my summer

Well hello. I haven't exactly been writing too much over the past, ohh, 4 months. It has been a confusing, angry, hopeful, distracting and overwhelming time. My hopes for the move to Vermont very quickly were dashed, and this time has been not at all what I expected. Occasionally better, very often much worse, but never expected.

And now, we've gotten it. We got what we've been wishing for- time. Together. Just us, just us being us, in a place. Back to our little family- our perfect little family that co-habitates so well.

Tonight I am going to mow the lawn. MOW THE LAWN!! BECAUSE THERE IS A LAWN!!! TO MOW!!!
Then we will sit on the porch and have a drink and light candles and maybe even make out a bit. Because we can. Because this (THIS) is what our life looks like when there isn't huge interference and stress. And no matter how welcome that interference, no matter how important and inevitable the stress, we are so much better without it. I think after 4 months, it had become a part of every day, every conversation, every interaction. And now, a huge sigh of relief. The reality we dreamed of every time we visited. Even if it is borrowed.

So, I'll try to do this more- try to make more time for just me now that there is time for us. I know how important it is, and how vitally I need this.

But for now, mowing the lawn and the porch is enough.

thank you. thank you god.