Merry Christmas Eve 2009

Well, here we are. It's been a year I've been blogging here, albeit ever so sporadically.
This year is so different, we've enacted so much change in our lives and things will never be quite the same again. Good and bad, happy and sad, I find this year that Christmas has made me a bit melancholy. Things aren't as easy as I thought they'd be, not quite the way I imagined them. That's the adventure and the truth and the slightly tepid way that life goes sometimes though.

I was always a naive, gullible child, and believed in magic far longer than most other children. Christmas Eve was always a night where magic and possibility was tangible. It was there in the starry sky, in the moonlight on the snow, in the up-past-bedtime and the "do I hear sleighbells?". I'm so glad I had that, so glad that even as an adult I've had magical Christmastimes, even if this isn't exactly one of them.

This year feels frantic, panic-attack ready and stress-filled. This year it's all "hurry, get this floor down and that drywall up, now run and buy presents, just get anything that you see...". It's drive here and drive there and call these people and make sure you haven't forgotten anything and I feel as though I haven't had time to breathe, much less clean my bedroom or take pleasure in wrapping gifts or even just hold hands with my husband in front of a fire. There is no time for us, only for things and other people. Next year, it will be better. Next year we'll have this house, we'll have each other. Next year everything will be easier. I firmly believe this. We just have to remember to breathe, and to put ourselves, and each other before all of the other things that have come first this year.

Merry Christmas 2009. Even if you've kind of been weird.