Access Extra Hollywood

I have a cubicle job (as previously noted) where I spend most of my life (being IN CHARGE OF THE ENVIRONMENT), and after a long day of being trapped to the point of hyperventilating by 3 gray walls, I like to come home, kick back, and enjoy myself with a little duo I like to call "Access Extra Hollywood". This is a sick, sordid pleasure that I have. I like to watch Access, followed by Extra, all the while sipping whatever alcoholic beverage is handy, wearing my sweater boots and forgeting about my day.



And it is a sickness. I don't understand it. Why do I watch these shows? And if I must watch, why do I need to watch two? in a row? that have exactly the same stories on?



what. the. fuck. is. wrong. with. me?



But it can't just be me, certainly there are other Americans who suffer from AEH, or else they wouldn't have programmed them right next to each other. Is it because market research shows that we are all just in need of a little zoning time at the end of the day? We just need to turn our brains off for an hour before we can engage with other human beings again? I find that my need for AEH corresponds directly to the type of day/commute that I've had. The worse my day, the more likely that I will walk in like a zombie, hands tremoring with the need to sit down, pick up the remote, and not speak to anyone for an hour. Mario Lopez will fix it for me. And Tinisha. With all that hair. Get me a drink. Someone, for the love of God get me a drink but DO NOT TALK TO ME. I DO NOT WANT INTERACTION. I only want GOSSIP. And trivial, meaningless pictures of beautiful people in their beautiful clothes. And I want to know what's going on on American Idol, and Dancing with the Stars (I don't even watch dancing with the stars, why do I care about this????), but I must know who wore what to the Oscars and what did JensayaboutAngelinaandbradjohnmayerbillybushsexandthecitymoviemileycyrusgodiHATEmileycyrusINEEDAREFILLONTHISMARGARITA!!!!!!!



Perhaps I should use my wii fit instead of watching these shows? Maybe, maybe just a couple times a week. AEH hurts so good.